Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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