yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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