I think my vagina is haunted
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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