You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
