my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
