There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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