mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
