i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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