yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
