Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
