____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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