I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
