Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
