She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They took my balls.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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