she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
try to milk me bitch
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