Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
