Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
