Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
