Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
