Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
