i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
