I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
