am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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