I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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