Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
