Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
