i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
