Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
