i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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