just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
