Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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