I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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