You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
