i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
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I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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