Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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