absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
