And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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