Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
