...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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