why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
