We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
