then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
