there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
