i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
