Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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