Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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