Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
