the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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