Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
