I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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