her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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