how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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