she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
